{do this!} I painted a couch last week {or} NO REALLY! I PAINTED A COUCH!

So, if you follow my VERY AMUSING musings on twitter {hint, hint} you may have seen the picture of this garage sale SCORE I bought a couple of weeks ago. For the low, low sum of FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS! Can you FREAKING BELIEVE my LUCK?

When I saw her sitting there, in that nice man's driveway, I got the heart palpitations and sweats that only a true bargain hunter can understand. There and then, as I sat in my car, tangled in my own seat belt {there may have been some cussing involved} I KNEW I NEEDED to OWN her! As I walked up the driveway, I fretted that she might be out of my budget, but was already concocting excuses and justifications for the mister. I watched as another woman had a conversation about the couch and WALKED AWAY. 'OH GREAT!' I was thinking, 'this dude must have visions of GRANDEUR and wants a Antiques.Roadshow.Mint for this little beauty.' My garage sale compadre nudged me a little and said GO ASK ABOUT THE COUCH. {She actually more shoved me, bless her little heart.}So, up I trudged and casually asked, 'how much for the couch'. Oh man. He started out with a story which typically =  A TOTALLY INFLATED PRICE. He told me she was from the 40's, original fabric {which, I disagree} and that he just replaced the springs a year ago. And then he said it. FORTY FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!!??????!!!!! Uh. Yeah. I'll take it. {and for the record, it was in VERY CLEAN condition. No smells, fabric could have been left as is, if it weren't so hideous. SCORE!}So, I kinda knew I was going to paint her from that moment. {did you see that episode of trading spaces where the couches were painted but got ruined by the rain? Yeah. I still wanted to attempt it.} It took a bit of convincing the mister, but he eventually agreed with me that this was the only way she was going to fit in with out COMPLETELY NOT SHABBY CHIC HOUSE {that was for my galpal Heather}

Just my luck?  My dad was in town to help! {Its almost like I PLANNED IT} 

 So, here are the supplies we used:

*Glidden flat black paint {color -Ebony}- I started out with just one quart, but ended up having to go back for another, which I used half of. So, if I ever paint a couch again? I will just go for the gallon.

*2 - 8 ounce containers of Delta Ceramcoat Textile Medium - this paint additive keeps acrylic/latex paint flexible enough to use to paint a couch, without all of it just flaking off. It was supposed to be 1 part medium to 2 parts paint. I got lazy doing the math, so I ended up using the 2 - 8 ounce containers for a quart and a half of paint.... that adds up, right??? {It turned out fine, regardless...}{Kids, are you listening? YOU DO NEED MATH SKILLS IN EVERY DAY LIFE! STAY IN SCHOOL!}

*Painters tape {Don't be buying no dollar store tape. It sucks. The extra moolah is SO worth it.}

We also used this foam roller. {OMG I know this is the worst picture ever to be posted on the interwebs, it was just the only one I took.} {Sorry.}{I love you.}We also went through several of these type foam brushes, mostly to get in the nooks and crannies.

My dad was in charge of masking the wood base. {YAY FOR FARMING OUT THE TOUGH LABOR!} There was some discussion about painting the wood as well. We didn't, mostly because I am lazy, it would have involved priming and sanding and I am nothing if not a crafter suffering from a MASSIVE case of A.D.D. So, YAY for NATURAL WOOD TRIM!

I rolled all the bigger, flat areas, and Dad used the foam brushes to get in the tufts on the back and around the trim. It took both of us painting about 4 hours total painting time over 2 days to finish. {My dad actually did most of the work. THANK YOU DAD! I APPRECIATE YOU!}

It took me the LONGEST to figure out what fabric to use to cover the cushions. {I knew right along that I didn't want to paint those....} I settled on reversible cushions, trimmed in polka dots. {Perfect.}

Didn't she turn out beautiful???!!! You can still see the texture of the original tapestry {original?} fabric, which I actually love. The back feels a bit like you might imagine a painted couch would feel like. Stiff, like a new screenprinted t-shirt. I might not attempt this on a 'fluffy' couch. I think it worked so beautifully because this was a tight, tailored design. {which is why I did not want to attempt to paint the foam butt cushion covers. It sceered me.}

So. To review. Look. The prettyness. The beauty. Total cost? A little over $100.

$45 - couch

$16 - 2 quarts black paint

$7 - 2 containers textile medium {both purchased at Joann's with coupons $5ea is reg price}

$2 - foam brushes 

$36 - Damask and Floral from Joann's with coupon {had the dots in the stash}

$3 - 3 upholstery zippers from SAS

Painters tape, plastic tarp, rollers {I already had}

-----------------------------------------------

Total price - $109

I think this couch is just what my sewing room was missing, don't you?

{linked this project up}

{What have I been doing, you ask?} Why, I've been painting my couch! :)

Ahem. HEY! Whassup.whassup?! I just got some crap from my frenemy friend, Heather, today, about my seriously slacking on the ol' blog posting lately.... I know I am SO RIVETING ! I am QUITE CERTAIN that everyone out in Bloggyville has been fretting, wondering how they will fill the many hours in their day without a little fabfab snark! So HERE YA GO! 12 days worth, compacted into one blog post! You can thank Heather later, you LUCKY DUCKER you! :) {Do I overuse the exclamation point? It's just so hard to convey that I AM INDEED SHOUTING without it, ya know???!!!} And, just to clear the air, I was NOT huddled up in a ball on the floor for the last 12 days, crying over missing Quilt Market in SLC. I was not. I was not. I was not!!!!!! .... Well. CONFESSION TIME! Maybe I was just sitting in a dark room, huddled in my blankie, Osama style, feeling indescribable sadness.... Wah.

{this is not what I have been doing, but dear me, doesn't EVERYONE just LOVE the site of freshly ground beef????} {well, maybe except vegetarians and vegans.} {sorry for that, my herbivore friends.}

So, moving along.... my dad was in town last week! And, just like me, the old man CAN NOT SIT STILL! We were going, going, going all week, which left little {if any} computer time. 

{excuse number one for blog neglect - DAD IN TOWN}

He helped the boys transplant some cherry tomato plants into bigger containers {HOME DEPOT 2 dollar buckets, for the record! Yay for frugality! Boo for not being able to keep these ugly, bright orange buckets on our front porch. Burlap covers to come, soon!} - I think we got started a little late this season for these tomatoes, but Brighton is mothering them pretty hard, so I will keep you posted!

We also went and saw Grandma. 90ish years young. I can only hope to be half as awesome as she is when I am 90. {I didn't get a photo, but Gramps is 93ish and laying in a bed next to her. They have been married over 60 years!}

{This is my dad and Grandma. Seriously, friends, neither one of them has aged in 10 years. Some lady at Home Depot told me she liked MY HUSBAND'S SHOES!!!???!!! I was like YOU MEAN, MY DAD?! Do you think my dad would admit to using a little Oil of Olay? I really need to know his secret! I have more grey hair than him!}

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen that I bought this awesome couch for $45 a week or so ago. Well, I HATED the fabric, so my dad and I spent the better part of last week PAINTING IT BLACK!  {excuse number two for blog neglect -PAINTED A COUCH}. We used a textile mix-in that keeps the latex paint soft enough to do this. Full blog post on this, soon! I promise! 'Cause you crazy girls out there KNOW you wanna paint a couch, too! It was a bit labor intensive, but my dad didn't seem to mind spending a large portion of his vacation on my crazy DIY project! We also did a LOT of thrifting and scored some great finds! We were scouting for some other couches to paint, but couldn't find any as great {or as CHEAP} as this one.....

Yeah! Whew. So, school is almost out! Summer vacation is all but upon us. Camden graduates from eighth grade in a little over a week! {I still remember my teal satin gown, pink frosted bonnie bell lipstick and 6" tall mall bangs from my own 8th grade commencement like it was yesterday. Surreal.} Another year under our belt. Before I know it, I will be 90 and my 30something grandkid will be visiting me with one of MY kids!  

FREAKING OUT!

{trying to follow this advice}

{buy your own poster here!}

A design don't {or} I painted stripes like I meant it, but I was really just joking.

Have you perfect design mavens out there ever just made like a really, really big design mistake? Like an OMG HORRIFYING WHAT WAS I THINKING JUST KILL ME NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T POSSIBLE GO ON design mistake? A mistake that took a LOT of TIME and a TON of EFFORT, both of which you have very, very small reserves of? And then, your A.D.D. kicked in and you were too lazy to correct it right away? And then your nursery striped furniture started to look, well, not really that bad or horrifying? And then you decided you just might like it and maybe it came out to be closer to your initial vision than you had previously thought? AND THEN YOU HAD YOUR DEAR HUSBAND MOVE IT UPSTAIRS, THEREBY SEALING THE FATE OF THE DARNED THING TO LIVE OUT ITS LIFE AS A BIG STRIPED PIECE OF CRAP? And don't we all agree that I just need to {wo}man up and stop lying, liar? File this under: It looked so much better in my mental picture and I really, really know it.{filed next to the day I play-swatted my youngest on the butt and she marked it down in her diary as THE DAY MY MOM SPANKED ME AND MEANT IT. My God. What is going on here?}

....

Might I so humbly present.....

The most hideous piece of furniture on the internet:

I had seen some CUTE CUTE CUTE pieces of striped furniture on the ol' interwebs. Like, here or here. And then, I think I just plain got cocky. I fear she may have looked better how I found her:

{for the record, for FIVE DOLLARS}

I assure you, I post this not for the throngs of liars friends that may come to my artistic defense. I post this as a CAUTIONARY TALE that bad things can come to those that choose paint colors and design aesthetic while hormonal. Impetuous, stupid hormone paint-buying frenzy. And the mister is SO WELL TRAINED that when I asked him his HONEST OPINION as in no-one-is-gonna-DIE-if-you-say-you-hate-this, he said, 'I like that your paint lines are nice and crisp.' What a dear, sweet man... I don't deserve him.

The knobs, at least, are pretty sweet. And scored at Hobby Lobby half price. So. ... That's somethin'....

I did have a very small victory today, thereby keeping me from taking a long walk of a short pier. {well, this AND the fact that I live no where near a pier} I made this little treasure for my sewing room today:

I know this looks like the same paint that I used on the STRIPED ABOMINATION, but really? I actually had this in an old can of spray paint as well. I think this may have been the color of m' grandma's dishes when I was a kid. Which {obviously} explains why, right at this moment in my life, I FEEL COMPELLED TO PAINT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT STANDS STILL LONG ENOUGH THIS COLOR GREEN. Amen. ... You think so too, right? Are you planning a trip to Home Depot to get some green, too? ... I knew I liked you :)

I made this with a freezer paper stencil, black spray paint and a piece of canvas drop cloth. Quick and easy, just like I like it :)

I think I might fire up the sewing machines this weekend. I am most definitely ready to tear it up with patterns from this book:

I never had a chance to blog about my dear, dear friend Nancy's sewing book that was released right around the time my world was falling apart. I have had hardly a chance to make anything in it. I think it is about time!

I also never had a chance to blog-brag that both of my girls {as well as my nieces} got to model for the book. And we look at the book every time we go to Hobby Lobby. And they make me pull it off the shelf so they can see themselves. And ask any poor soul standing around us if they want their autograph. {I wonder where they get their nerdy behavior from}

Now that Ken is looking more like herself again, it doesn't hurt to look at the pictures anymore.

And I did say I MIGHT sew, right? I mean. Don't pressure me, m'kay? Maybe what I should have said is I am going to THINK about WHAT I am GOING TO sew.

There. No more pressure. See how easy that was??? {wink. wink.}